I Can Do It Later

I'll do it later.

It'll wait twenty minutes.

Tomorrow.

How many times have you said or thought something like that? I can do it later. If your anything like me than when you stop and think about it, it's more often than you care to admit.

I believe that a little background needs to be laid before I continue. For some reason I have some strange sleep habits. Every electronic device in my room (which is a lot as I have my whole life in one room in my parents basement for the time being) has to be off. If it has a light that can't be turned off the light is covered or blocked by something. Even unplugged if necessary. There also has to be a fan on. Near the head of my bed. A sort of white noise. You would think that a sound machine would work, but no, it has to be a real fan. So...

I have this alarm clock. It was a gift from my older cousin when I went to college. It's one of those small ones no bigger than my hand that is battery operated. It doesn't light up unless you hit button in the middle and then it has this tealish glow. Anyway, it is now, let's see, about six years old. I can't find anything like it so no replacing it just yet.

The problem is that the side of it is broken. It keeps falling off. And not ten minutes ago it happened. And the piece fell under bed. Now I'm currently in pjs writing this, planning to read a bit, then head to bed. Needless to say I'm tired. So the piece falls off and what do I do? I instantly think, screw it, I'll pick it up tomorrow.

Why on Gods green earth would I do that?! Why would I wait 12 hours to do something that would take me all of 8 seconds? I mean really. Why do we do that?

Then I thought about how often I do that in may day to day life. How often I put off something so small. Folding the laundry. Putting said laundry away. Doing the dishes. Taking out the trash. Putting away hair dryers, straighteners, brushes etc after I use them in the morning. Going through my mail.

These are not hard things. They are not big things. But if I do this with little things how often do I do it with the big things.

Telling my friends and family how much they mean to me. Taking care of my health. Going out Ina limb. Taking chances. Saying what I really think.

I can do it tomorrow, right?

There is a quote "dont put off until tomorrow that which you can do today." I don't know if I've ever really taken that to heart. Sure I listen and think, "oh thats smart."

But, I can do it tomorrow.

It's Almonds and Pistachios

I feel like a broken record repeatedly talking about how busy life is.  But it is.  It's almonds.  And pistachios.  And acorns, cashews, peanuts, hazelnuts.  (Get it?  It's nuts!)

I've begun counting down to the time when my classes for this additional teaching license are over (31 days).  I've started thinking forward to next year.  To my next move.  I have yet to experience no school.  I'm looking forward to having a little more time to read, to blog, to see friends, to go to movies (I can't remember the last movie I saw in an actual theater).

My plan, my well intentioned plan, was to take a mini-vacation from this blog.  To not write.  To take the time I spend doing this, on something else.  But I miss it.  I miss sitting here having a conversation with... you.  Myself.  My future self.  Who knows.  But I know I miss it.  The blank page that I get to create.  The clickety clack of the keys as I type my thoughts and then the click, click click, of deleting an entire sentence or two.

I think I may start to do a series I found on another blog.  It's a list of 30 topics that you write on.  Just so I don't have to rack my brain too hard trying to come up with something out of thin air.  And it's kind of a fun idea.  

For now, I'm going to sign off.  Head home from the cafe that I have holed myself up in for hours at a time for the last couple months (it's my homework haven).  And take a night to relax.  Well, that's the goal at least.

Remember life is short.  So think about your dreams a little harder.  

Reach a little higher.  Laugh a little louder.  Love a little stronger.  

Because many things in life can wait... The Sunset Won't!

Book Review: Blue Moon Promise by Colleen Coble

From the publisher: 

Book Number One in the Under Texas Stars series

A love like Lucy and Nate’s only comes along once in a blue moon...

Lucy Marsh's worldly resources are running out, but she's fiercely determined to care for her younger brother and sister. When she discovers that their father's recent death was no accident, Lucy is eager to leave town. She accepts a proxy marriage she believes will provide safe refuge. But trouble follows her to Texas where her new husband is surprised to suddenly have a wife and children to care for.

Nate Stanton always hoped he'd marry someday, but running the family ranch meant he had no time for romance. When his father deposits Lucy Marsh—a city girl—on his doorstep, with two siblings in the bargain, he expects ranch life will send her running on the first train out of town. But Lucy is made of tougher stuff than Nate imagined. When danger moves in, Nate finds he'd give anything to protect Lucy and the children he's grown to love. Even if it means giving up his ranch.

My Thoughts: Lovely.  Just lovely.  From the authors note in the beginning to the final page this was a book with a message.  Ms. Coble shared in her author's note at the beginning of the book that a part of her manifested itself in Lucy.  Lucy has major control issues.  MAJOR.  But I could see why, and I could feel the weight on her shoulders almost as if it were my own.  Perhaps it's because I too rely on myself instead of given my burdens to the Lord. 

I enjoyed most of the characters in this book.  Nate's brother was underdeveloped for my taste.  I would have liked more on where his emotions were coming from so I could better understand those family dynamics.  There were a few pieces of character information here and there that again, I wished were fleshed out a little better.  There were also a few times I think I audibly moaned from frustration with the actions of the characters.  That said, I learned something.  And aren't we always better when we discover something new about ourselves?  

This author I think tends to do a good job, at least in the handful of books by her that I've read, of not being overly preachy as some Christian authors can be.  But this struck a good balance of faith, humor, romance and mystery.

Would I Recommend This Book?  Absolutely.  I really enjoyed this book.  My copy had some printing issues which was a little frustrating.  But I was able to get around them.  I read this book in less than a week.  Which, right now, for me is great.  There were a couple nights I stayed up later than I should have because I wanted to see what happened next.  I wanted Lucy to trust.  To trust Nate.  But more importantly to trust the Lord.  To relinquish some of that control and see where that would take her.  And in the end, it forced me to take a look at my own life.  I would rate this book 4/5 stars (it's a bookshelf, re-read someday sort of book).

There was a reader's guide at the end of the story for those who are interested in further thought, or a book club discussion.

About The Author:

Best-selling author Colleen Coble's novels have won or finaled in awards ranging from the Best Books of Indiana, ACFW Book of the Year, RWA’s RITA, the Holt Medallion, the Daphne du Maurier, National Readers' Choice, and the Booksellers Best. She has nearly 2 million books in print and writes romantic mysteries because she loves to see justice prevail. Colleen is CEO of American Christian Fiction Writers and is a member of Romance Writers of America. She lives with her husband Dave in Indiana.

For more about Colleen and her other books visit www.colleencoble.com

Click here to Buy the book.

Book Party:

Blue Moon Promise is a story of hope, romance, and suspense . . . immersing the reader in a rich historical tale set under Texas stars.

To celebrate Colleen is teaming up with her publisher Thomas Nelson for a "Blue Moon Promise" Facebook Chat party where she will giveaway a KINDLE Fire and a Texas-sized gift basket (fabulous Texas treats and fun Lucy-inspired housekeeping products)!

Invite your friends and don't miss Colleen's evening of chat, trivia, prizes, and more.

(See the button in the sidebar!)

Check out the Blue Moon Promise Blog Tour!

(I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes.  I am under no obligation to give a positive review.)

I Can Do This

Do you ever underestimate yourself?  You're given an assignment at work and you're not sure you can do it.  For me, I took a look at a syllabus for my second grad class and had a freak out.  I mean freak out!  Looking at that, in combination with work, my other class, the volunteering/work I do at church and studying for a state licensing test I began to break.

I thought there was no way this was possible.  How in the world am I going to be able to do this?

I'm underestimating myself.  Not giving myself enough credit.

I sat down and realized it's only 42 days (now only 40) that I need to get through.  I can do that.  I can do this.

I just may not be able to do all that I need to and be as present as I wish I could be here.  But I'm going to try.  Because sometimes the release of allowing my fingers to move across the keyboard as they wish is liberating.  And it helps me see the progress and movement and growth and pitfalls in my life.

But I'm going to try to not sell myself short.  Because anyone can do something that seems impossible if it's only for 6 weeks.

Remember life is short.  So think about your dreams a little harder.  

Reach a little higher.  Laugh a little louder.  Love a little stronger.  

Because many things in life can wait... The Sunset Won't!

Notebook Night: Sharing A Part of You

The following is something I wrote to share with the Youth Group I work with.  We have Notebook Nights where students and leaders share a slice of their life.  It could be thematic, or as simple as I ate pizza and got heartburn today.  The point is that we are sharing in each others lives, and listening to one another.  

I shared as a way to open the door for some of our students to be aware that they are not alone in their struggles.  It was really hard.  My fellow leaders were nothing but supportive.  And I hope that it provides an opportunity to create a safe space for our students.

There is something that we don’t like to talk about.  Like it’s a dirty little secret.  Something we push to the back corners of our closets in the hope that no one will see it.  Because we feel like there’s something to be ashamed of, there’s something wrong.  

I’ve felt the sting of friends who’ve hurt me.  I’ve experienced the turmoil of becoming a teenager with parents who just don’t seem to get it.  I’ve seen the devastation that comes from the suicide of a loved one.  I’ve known the confusion over choosing which path to take, and the regret of chances not taken.  I’ve known the darkness of depression.

There are some days when all I want to do is turn off all the lights, curl up under the covers and hide.  There are days when people around me are laughing, having fun, chatting and I feel nothing.  Not happy, not sad, not upset…just nothing.  

Sometimes on those days I’ve felt like a waste.  A waste of space.  A waste of people’s time.  Why bother talking to me?  When you ask me how I’m doing I can say “I’m fine” or “I’m okay” when inside I’m not.  I can put on a mask because the conversation won’t last forever.  I can wipe the smile off my face as soon as you walk away.  

The problem is that some days, I feel great.  I can laugh, smile, I feel on top of the world.  People see that and think you’ve snapped out of it.  That you’re better.  But there are days where every hour can be a struggle.  Just like there are days when every hour is amazing.

What I’ve learned recently is that finding someone that you can talk to, even if it’s just trusting them enough to say “I’ve been better” or “It’s not going so well” when all you want to say is “I’m good,” can be a little freeing.

A few months ago I hit a rough patch in my struggle with depression.  It was a perfect storm of events that all converged at once sending me into the dark waves.  I felt alone.  Angry that no one could understand just how sad I was.  How hurt I was.  I always fear that telling someone I have depression makes me seem weak.  Makes me seem less than, incapable, unworthy.  There are only a select few people in my life who know of my depression.  But one day, I decided to jump.  I trusted a fellow Crowd leader.  When they asked me how I was I didn’t put on the mask.  Or at least not completely, and I said something like, “I’m not doing so well.”  And when they didn’t say “oh that’s too bad” and walk away, or try to make light of it I said, “I’m struggling with my depression.  It’s been tough lately.”  They simply said, “I know.  I read your blog.  How can I pray for you?”

They didn’t tell me to cheer up.  Or to fix it.  Or that someone else in the world has it worse than I do.  They didn’t minimize what I was feeling.  That made me feel comfortable enough to share with other leaders who have also been supportive.

There’s a song by Casting Crowns titled Stained Glass Masquerade and part of it goes like this:

“So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay.  

If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too.

So with a painted grin, I play the part again, 

So everyone will see me, the way that I see them.

Are we happy plastic people, under shiny plastic steeples, 

With walls around our weakness, and smiles to hide our pain.

But if the invitation's open, to every heart that has been broken,

Maybe then we close the curtain on the stained glass masquerade.”

Sometimes life sucks.  And you need to be sad, grieve or get angry.  But try to take of the mask, because we all have weakness.  We all have pain and sadness.  But we also all have joy.  We all have happiness and contentment.  You sometimes just need the reminder that it’s there.

Tonight I’ve taken a step away from the stained glass masquerade.   The number of people who know that I have struggled with depression has increased tonight.  And that’s a big step for me.  

Today was a good day.  A great day.  Lately life’s been pretty good.  And when tough things roll my way, or I feel like I’m starting to slip I’m learning what I need to do for myself.  

Knowing that there are others who feel this way is comforting.  It’s nice to know I’m not alone.  And if you struggle with depression, neither are you.  Because I’m here.  Anytime.