Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Tug of War: Revisited

Driving with my mom this weekend I verbalized a question to her I didn't realize I had.  Am I letting myself down by letting go of a dream?

I took a job in my hometown for next year.  It's not my dream job by any means.  But it's full time and it's in the right field, if not the right specialty.  

I had this vision, this dream, of getting a social studies teaching job out of state.  Maybe somewhere on the East Coast, or out west.  While I know I would have been nervous, scared maybe even, it would have been an adventure.  It would have been something I could bring home, an experience for a lifetime.  Perhaps a new home.

But I didn't take that path.  I didn't take that job.  And now felt like the time I should have done it.  I don't have a significant other, or a house payment.  Yes I have family, but I'm not tied down.

By not up and moving am I letting myself down?  

My mom thinks not.  She said, "what if you lost it all?  What if you move, get a job, and then lose that job?"

There's a tug of war that I've struggled with for awhile.  A struggle between What Is and What Could Be. It's a war that I think many people often struggle with.  I just happen to have a really hard time making decisions.  

So maybe I'm not letting myself down.  I'm making a good bet.  I just need a new dream, a new vision.

Remember, there are always things in life that can wait. 
But the word keeps spinning. 
 The sun will rise, the days goes on. 
Many things can wait, but The Sunset Won't.

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